Pig on the Road

Well hello there, little Agnes Pig. That IS a fine motorcycle!
Yes, yes it is! I picked her up at the annual Pig and Motor Fair. Isn’t Mrs Barley Hayvidson just lovely?

She’s a beaut. And you are positively glowing with pride Agnes.
To be honest, I can’t remember what life was like before she arrived. I can’t believe I actually used to walk to my water bottle. What a loser.

I love how you have assigned her a little bed of hay and her own toilet corner in your house. I’m not sure that she really needs those things, but you’re extremely sweet.
If you think I’m sweet wait until you see Barley Boo ride in a heart shape around the room! She will melt your heart.

Go on then, start her up. Let me see Mrs Barley in action!
She has 250 pigpower, so prepare to be amazed. I love you ma petite chérie… avec des sturdy spinning roués.

Don’t you mean horsepower?
No, it’s definitely pigpower. Horses take a lot of the credit for things that pigs have achieved, though we are too humble to make a fuss. Hang on… CLICK! BANG! And we’re off… VAROOOM!

Agnes, that’s YOU making the noise. Isn’t it supposed to be your bike?
Oh. Yes I suppose it is. She doesn’t appear to be moving. Mrs Barley Hayvidson, are you okay my little mechanical wonder? Would you like me to buy you some glittery spindle bobbins?

What’s wrong with her?
I think she might need some maintenance. Oh disastrous dandelions –  she must be tired because we cycled all around China last week. We got a special mention in a newspaper because we are the first pig and motorcycle duo to ride across the Great Wall! Anyhoo, let me just check her wheels.

What’s the verdict? Are the sturdy spinning roués working?
They seem to be. There’s a slight squeak in the breaks, but personally I don’t have a problem with that.

So what are you going to do? Do you need to go to the motorcycle hospital?
Well how would we get there?!

Good point.
Let me just check the fuel tank. I am prone to a bit of a broccoli brain sometimes and I might have forgotten to fill it up!

Well?
The tank has more than enough cucumber juice. What a mystery! Maybe the problem is in the engine. Now Mrs Barley, I am terribly sorry but I am going to have to turn you upside down.

Is there a problem with the clutch, or gearbox maybe? Or perhaps it’s the alternator?
Possibly… sniff sniff Ah ha! I think some of the nuts and bolts need tightening a little. My lovely Hayvidson is unique, being made from wood, but she requires a little more care than those lumbering metal monstrosities you see on the roads.

Uh huh, uh huh.
I have some tools, hopefully a little tweak here and there and we’ll be riding full speed to the fridge in no time. I wonder if there is any baby corn in the vegetable compartment, now THAT would be an epic journey.

Woah! That’s a well-stocked toolbox for a guinea pig! 
Thanks! I just need the thing with the thing that does the thing. Can you see it?

The spanner? Hammer? 
No, no, it’s for, you know, things.

Is it this one?
I don’t think so. What a shame, I was so looking forward to showing you all the stunts I can do on my awesome motorcycle. What bad luck and… wait, what was that noise? That rustling noise?

I can’t hear anything.
FOOD! FOOD IS COMING! IT IS FOOD BOWL TIME! REJOICE!

But what about…
I’ll have to hotfoot it to G-Block before those silly sows eat everything. OUT OF MY WAY, BIKE!

We will revisit Agnes and her motorcycle after she has eaten, got over the excitement of eating, and has a window available where she is not eating and can tell us more.